BE SURE YOUR SHORTCUTS WILL FIND YOU OUT! (5 September  2007)
NEW VIRUSES ON THE LOOSE! (30 July 2007)
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES (20 July 2007)

Be sure your shortcuts will find you out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New Viruses on the loose!

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES

1.  Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2.  Put your new employees in the room and close the door.
3.  Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.

4.  Then analyze the situation:
a.  If they are counting the bricks, put them in the  Accounting
     Department.
b.  If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c.  If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put   then  
     in Engineering.
d.  If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put
     them in Planning.
 e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in
      Operations.
 f.  If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
 g.  If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in
      Information Technology.
 h.  If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
 i.  If they say they have tried different combinations, they are
     looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
 j.  If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing.
 k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
 l.  If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been
     moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management ..

Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in  Government.

*These are only jokes, but if you feel offended please contact us to remove them.